just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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