i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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