i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
