Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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