i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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