UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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