I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
