8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize