so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
