I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
