I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
