i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
