So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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