Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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