well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
