I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
