i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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