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what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
