I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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