is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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