I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
