Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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