U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize