He is an equal opportunity slut.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
