they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
