i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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