Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mom said you looked used
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
