i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
