I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
