No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
