I think I won the penis lottery.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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