dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
