Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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