It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
