i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
