My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Still dying that you shit outside
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
