I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
