I cockslap morals
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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