you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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