Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come on in and take your pants off
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