this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
