Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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