I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
