Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
wow bdsm is so cute
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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