Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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