She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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