foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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