Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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