I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
