Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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