At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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