i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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