You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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