To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
