i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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