I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your penis caused this!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
