so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
