he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize