quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
