Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
