I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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