holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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