come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
