i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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