Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
