Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had sex on a roof
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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