i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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