I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
