carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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