If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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