the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize