I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
