The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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