got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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