someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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